Weekend in Review July 6, 2010

It was a nice, long 3 day weekend.  I accomplished a lot and yet hardly left the house.  I got the oil changed in the car, shopped, cleaned, vacuumed, did laundry….it’s exhausting to think about. 

Summer Reading Update:
I relaxed and finished ‘Eat Pray Love’.  I don’t want to give anything away for anyone who hasn’t read it so I won’t do a review, except to say I loved the Italy portion, LOVED the Indonesia portion at the end, and could have skipped India in the middle.  I am now interested in reading her newest book ‘Committed‘ about her decision to re-marry.

After that, I quickly read ‘Secrets of a Shoe Addict.’  It was entertaining and a quick read.  Perfect for a long weekend at home.  Though I’m not sure what shoes had to do with anything, except there is one character back from ‘Shoe Addicts Anonymous.’  It is about three women who live in the suburbs and run the PTA and run into trouble in Vegas where they have gone for some school even with their children (because nothing says Family Fun like Vegas).  All three suddenly need lots of cash and the Shoe Addict gets them into a business that will help.  Wackiness ensues.

Last night I started ‘Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven.’  I’m pretty excited about this one.  Susan Jane Gilman is one of my favorites.  And I think between this and ‘Eat Pray Love’, I will soon have the travel bug and start talking about spending a year trapsing through Europe.  How practical this is, I don’t know, but it always seemed to me to be something I should do before I have children.  The urge comes to me once every few months.  Maybe it’s time I just did it.

In movie news, I finally saw ‘Eclipse’!  It seems as though I am the last person to see it, even though it’s been out less than a week.  I went with my niece Lemondrop and her mom Starburst (not her real name).  I love that they are sticking close to the books.  The first movie didn’t have too  much to do with the book either than the characters, but since then they have stuck to the story.  I could write an entire post on the subject of Twilight and I probably will soon, but for now I will just say that whether or not you prefer Edward or Jacob (Edward, duh), there is enough of both in ‘Eclipse’ to keep both teams happy.

Now I am back to reality and work.  I have six full 5-day work weeks ahead of me before Smarty and I head to the east coast.  That seems impossible after my last three weeks of 4 days each.  Also today I start week 7 of my running program, which means running without a break.  Today, 26 minutes.

Eat Pray Love….Search June 21, 2010

Summer reading update: I finished ‘Eclipse’ on Saturday and started ‘Eat Pray Love’.  I am almost through the Italy portion of the book.  I just read a passage that got me thinking.  Liz and her friend are discussing words.  Meaning, the one word that describes a place or a person.  For example, they decide that the city of Rome’s word is ‘sex’.  New York’s word is ‘achieve’.  Liz’s friend then asks her, ‘What is your word?’  Which of course, immediately made me wonder what my word is.

I am finding myself relating to Liz on a very personal level.  I am the same age now that she was when she began her journey.  Its true that I’ve never been married.  Never bought a house.  Never went through a divorce.  However I have found myself sobbing in the middle of the night looking for answers to questions about my life that no one else can answer but me.  I have found myself begging God for an answer, just like her.  Then again, I think if everyone was honest, we could probably all admit to that.  Liz decides her word is perhaps ‘seek’.

So this brings me to my word.  The first words that came to mind – love, family, friend – are the kind of words that would be nice to claim.  But things are not so simple.  Life is not so neatly wrapped up in happy thoughts.  After some thinking, I realized that my word is ‘search’.

I am forever searching for something.  What exactly, I cannot say.  For a long, long time, I thought that if I could find real love, that would be enough to fulfill me.  Now, finally, I have that.  I have my Smarty – my best friend, the ying to my yang.  The one.  And that part of my life is full.  It brings me great happiness and comfort.  But still I search.

I believe that if I could find a life purpose, that may do it.  I went to college and then grad school and then the business world thinking that if I could be successful there, that would make me happy.  And maybe if I wasn’t in a job I hate, that might help.  But I don’t know.  Other people work there and seem to not be as miserable as I am.  So perhaps it is me and not the work.  That scares me.  I fear sometimes that I will never find my career.  That no job will make me happy.  My dream in life is to live in Key West, own a shop of some kind on Duvall Street and watch the sun set over Mallory Square every night with my Smarty.  Maybe I am searching when the answer is ‘Daisy, you’ve been talking about Key West for 10 years.  Just do it already’.  I don’t know.

Maybe I will feel like my search is over when one day I have a family.  I’m sure that will bring tremendous fulfillment.  But I also know that motherhood alone is not the answer.  I know too many women who seem to lose themselves completely when they become ‘mom’ and that terrifies me.  (I don’t want to end up like those people on ‘STFU Parents’.  Nor do I want to start wearing sweatpants in public.  Or mom jeans.)  I know myself well enough to know that that alone will not be enough for me.  I will always need some kind of work.

My other thought is that I am just overthinking all of this.  People live their lives everyday and I have to guess that the majority of them don’t have the answers either.  Maybe that is the point.  Once you find all the answers, is life then over?  Isn’t the search the interesting part?